Mr Bain and Miss Rigg created an example diary to give you some ideas for writing this week.
1) What do you like about it?
2) What could you use in your own diary?
3) Is there anything you would improve?
Dear Diary,
Another day, another problem. As if The Vanishings haven’t been causing me enough woe, my own crew have, of course, let me down again. Is it really that hard to just do your job?
I mean, it was a fairly ordinary start to the day. I was pleased to hear that nobody went missing last night, Luger and Wes snagged a couple of raggedy mice for breakfast and I set Razor off on scout patrol as usual. The sun was only just rising and the city was yet to wake so I took the opportunity to train my senses, tuning into the sounds and smells of my alleys as I meditated. Once I had found my peace, it was time to sharpen my claws and oh my goodness… they are looking sharper than sharp! Razor came back shortly after, and reported that he’d found some scraps of fish out in Dog Bone Alley which he’d brought with him. Delicious!
Razor, however, also told me that he’d found some old chicken meat outside the butchers that had started to rot so he hadn’t brought it back. Typical. Food is scarce, I’ve got a whole crew to feed and for some unknown reason he thinks it’s acceptable to make these decisions on his own? That meat could have kept us going for a few more days! By the time we got to the butchers, the meat had been obviously snatched (probably Ginger), and I was left with no choice. One swift scratch to the face was enough to remind him that it’s Sally Bones who makes the decisions around here. Another scar to add to the collection. Pathetic.
Once upon a time, I commanded my gang through respect and adoration but nowadays I find that I’m relying on fear and terror to stay in charge. If that’s what it takes, then so be it. The city is in meltdown; it needs a leader. I am that leader.
I’ll write again soon,
SB
hello mr bain and miss rigg,
1. I like the way sally bones was being bossy to razor.
2. I can use some powerful adjectives in my own diary.
3. I can improve my diary by using some comers and speech marks so then my diary makes sense.
from Layth
Great evaluation Layth
1~I like it when SB is brave about her fears and turns it in strength.
2~Noun, Adjective and Verbs.
3~I can improve spelling punctuation and details.
✔✔✔
When do mekong write it?
hello Miss Rigg and Mr Bain
1 i like that the it tells you what is happing even how thee weather is
2 i would uese very rude agressve language
3 i can improve my dairy by using more powerful fronted adverbial
Hello turkt,
Great feedback! 🙂
I would use the first part because I really try’s you to get into reading the diary it’s like you want to hear more and more n so I would recommend that part